


Just Hold My Hand While I Come (to a Decision on It)

by rabidchild67



Series: Wangst [7]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Break Up, Crack, F/M, M/M, Talking Penis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidchild67/pseuds/rabidchild67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter and his peter decide to act!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Hold My Hand While I Come (to a Decision on It)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from the song "Save it for Later" by The English Beat.

Peter nodded to Jones as he entered the men’s room on the 21st floor. It was empty, he noticed as he crossed to the urinal. Whistling, he undid his fly and calmly went about his business.

Without warning, however, he noticed that the flow of his urine began to stutter towards the end. He looked down, concerned; he’d just had his annual physical the week before and the doc had given him a clean bill of health.

“Buh-buh-buu-huh-huhhh!” Peter’s dick was crying. Loudly. Self-conscious, Peter tucked it up inside his trousers, flushed and headed for a stall.

“Shh, shh, buddy, what’s wrong?” he whispered, taking it out again.

His dick sniffled but did not answer. Peter shook it gently and shushed it again, running his thumb over the head gently, soothingly. Finally it regained its composure. “Come on, what’s wrong?” Peter repeated.

“I – I’m just kind of depressed.”

“Really? Why?” Peter tried to keep his tone soothing and supportive, but was secretly getting impatient.

“You’re mad at me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are! We haven’t been together in over a month.”

“That’s not because I’m mad at you. I just…haven’t been in the mood…for that.”

“See? And it’s my fault!” it said, in ringing tones that reverberated off the tile walls.  Peter thought its fleeting aspiration of becoming a cantor was not outside the realm of possibility. Except for the obvious limitations of religion and, well, the fact he was a body part. He shook his head, amazed at the silliness of his thoughts.  

“Keep it down! No, it’s not.”

“It is, it is. If I hadn’t been such a _nudnik_ and made you stop seeing Neal, you’d be happy!”

“OK, first of all, nobody _makes_ me do anything.”

“But it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t opened up my big _shvantz_ mouth.”

Peter sighed. His dick had a point. “OK, fine, I’ll admit this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t first brought it up, but –“

“See?! You do hate me! _Ach, mein Gott in Himmel! Oy vey ist mir!_ What am I gonna do? I would tear out my hair if I had any arms!”

Peter shushed his dick again. “Shh, shh, shh. Please, keep your voice down! There was a ‘but’ in there. ”

His dick shuddered in his hand, still quite upset, so Peter began to pet it again with his thumb. Peter continued, “But if you hadn’t said anything and we had carried on as we had been, the repercussions were just too serious. You know me, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and there is no doubt in my mind that it would’ve come out. And you’re right, I think I maybe _was_ blaming you, just a little bit, but it was completely unfair. This whole thing is my fault, and I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

They sat quietly together for several minutes. “What are you going to do?” his dick finally asked.

“I wish there was a way it could work out. I’ve been wracking my brain, but there just isn’t. I have to accept that and move on.”

They both sighed, Peter still rubbing his dick gently with his thumb, deep in thought.

“What if – no, never mind,” Peter’s dick began.

“What?”

“Do you think he’d wait for us?” his dick asked slowly. “There’s only two years left on his sentence.”

Peter looked down at his dick, brow furrowed. “Why would he?”

“Why wouldn’t he? He waited for Kate all that time.”

“But they had a long term relationship. I don’t know if his feelings are the same.”

“It couldn’t hurt to ask.”

Peter took a deep breath. 

“What are you thinking?” his dick finally said.

Peter didn’t answer.

“You’re thinking that if you tell him about this, if you ask him if he loves you as you love him that you’re giving up too much, _nu_?

“No,” Peter replied too quickly, but he cocked his head, seriously thinking that through. His dick’s words had hit home. Was that it? Would he let his pride get in the way of his happiness now?

“Yes, you are. Because I’m thinking the same thing.”

Peter’s eyes widened. “What?”

His dick plumped up then, straining up as if to look at Peter. “You and I, my friend, are cut from the same cloth. I understand you more than you know.”

“Are you saying you’re in love too?”

His dick bobbed, as if nodding. “I am. Neal’s dick is…unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.” Peter noticed that his dick was talking without accent and affect now, totally sincere, its voice wistful. “He’s kind and funny and he sings to me and makes me feel…lovable. He’s a real _mensch_. The whole package.”

“Aww.”

“I know,” his dick said, its tone slightly embarrassed; to admit these feelings to Peter was a big step. It had only ever loved one other - Elizabeth - and those feelings were a natural outshot of Peter's. “Look at us – like a pair of schoolgirls! What a load of _schmaltz_!”

Peter laughed.

“So what are we waiting for? Let’s go and tell him how we feel, Peter. Life’s too short for regrets.”

Peter took a deep breath. “You’re right.” He stood, stuck his dick back inside and zipped up his pants. He headed out, determined to see this through, and for the first time in weeks, he had hope in his heart.

On his way out, he passed Ruiz, who had just entered. Ruiz gave him a dirty look, which Peter reciprocated on his way past. “What is with that guy?” Peter thought.

“I will never understand why some people don’t wash their hands,” Ruiz said, shaking his head.

“Gross! Don’t shake _that_ guy’s hand,” his dick agreed.

\----

Thank you for your time.


End file.
